©2006-2008 ~brian2
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Submitted: April 14, 2006
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Submitted: April 14, 2006
Image Size: 17.7 KB
Resolution: 508×360
Comments: 12
Favourites & Collections: 2 [who?]
Views
Total: 279
Today: 0
Embed
Thumb
Artist's Comments
I wrote this last week. Always so unresolved, I feel like leaving on a sad note but I hate it too.
---
sit down and it crosses my mind on a vacant spring day,
how I'd like to be in bed with you,
and I wish I was in bed with you.
But I started my car and tried to avoid it even though I wanted it too bad to ever possibly avoid it.
and I feel out of place, as if I'm in the wrong time,
an anachronism stranded wasting away in my prime.
go home and lay on the ground to stare at the ceiling,
fan blades move in circles hundreds of times an hour, even more.
an orangish mist over everything I do as I walk disoriented and stumble through another day.
Sometimes I think of you and wonder what you want.
I wonder if I'm ever there.
like the smell of burning toast on a cold December morning,
used to get so anxious and call the doctor for advice to hear that 50mgs was all I needed.
but desire doesn't fade so easily and I'm left alone,
and I'd really like to be anywhere with you, and know you want me close.
"Don't lie to me--say it's what you want!"
I say some stupid shit when I get hot.
and you can repeat it to anyone you want,
just say I don't have to feel this way--or miss this feeling when it's gone.
wherever I sit my feet never touch the ground and I'm growing to accept that.
as long as I know he's always lying to me I can get through it.
sometimes I don't think it's a lie though.
I'm not something you just want or don't want.
spits venom straight into my head, they can get me, no matter where.
but to think that you do things without me, exist when I'm not there...
---
sit down and it crosses my mind on a vacant spring day,
how I'd like to be in bed with you,
and I wish I was in bed with you.
But I started my car and tried to avoid it even though I wanted it too bad to ever possibly avoid it.
and I feel out of place, as if I'm in the wrong time,
an anachronism stranded wasting away in my prime.
go home and lay on the ground to stare at the ceiling,
fan blades move in circles hundreds of times an hour, even more.
an orangish mist over everything I do as I walk disoriented and stumble through another day.
Sometimes I think of you and wonder what you want.
I wonder if I'm ever there.
like the smell of burning toast on a cold December morning,
used to get so anxious and call the doctor for advice to hear that 50mgs was all I needed.
but desire doesn't fade so easily and I'm left alone,
and I'd really like to be anywhere with you, and know you want me close.
"Don't lie to me--say it's what you want!"
I say some stupid shit when I get hot.
and you can repeat it to anyone you want,
just say I don't have to feel this way--or miss this feeling when it's gone.
wherever I sit my feet never touch the ground and I'm growing to accept that.
as long as I know he's always lying to me I can get through it.
sometimes I don't think it's a lie though.
I'm not something you just want or don't want.
spits venom straight into my head, they can get me, no matter where.
but to think that you do things without me, exist when I'm not there...
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Devious Comments
--
brace yourself.
coercing brutal honesty is often not pretty.
-mike
--
Eyes
Car
Mice
Elf
What do you do?
-mike
--
Eyes
Car
Mice
Elf
Well, it's been a while. Not much gets through to me these days. But I used to sing, at the top of my lungs when there was nobody in the house. Or walking home, early in the morning. This was all to do with a girl, you understand... anyway I'd be walking home from seeing this girl, at 2 am, and I'd roar out a Tom Waits song like "God's Away On Business" or "Misery's the River of the World", and for a little while, I'd feel better.
I'd write, too. It seems the less tortured I am, the less motivation I have to write. But of course all these things only help for a little while. And, to be honest, I don't think I've ever had it as bad as I sometimes get the impression that you do. Sorry. So I can't really give you any advice that wouldn't sound pompous or flippant or dismissive. "Oh, just don't dwell on it, focus on hanging out with friends and other enjoyable things, time will help" doesn't seem to be a valid argument in this case.
I'm sure your writing is a good thing. Perhaps you should take up boxing, or start a fight club, or something. I don't really know.
-mike
--
Eyes
Car
Mice
Elf
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